we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
did you just send me my own nude
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
