so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize