are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
