as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
