I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
