why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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