I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
