if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
