Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
