While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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