you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
