I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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