I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
