I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
