drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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