My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
