I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
