I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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