My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
