Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
