dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
