True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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