i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
