hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
