Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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