Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
