it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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