I skipped work to stalk him.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
