I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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