You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
