just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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