there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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