Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
