Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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