I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
