Will you blow on my dice?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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