FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
