just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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