i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
