I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
