ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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