Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
