just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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