No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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