I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
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I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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