i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
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At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
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So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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