What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize