Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
