I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
40s are totally the cure
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
