She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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