I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
