I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
