No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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