I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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