I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
