I think I am morally bankrupt
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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