I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
