He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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