They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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