o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
