I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
