i think i have two assholes
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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