sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
