I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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