I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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