david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
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He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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