Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
