So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
